


Recognize Yourself

by hangthestars



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Mild Angst, Past Lavellan/Solas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-13
Updated: 2015-01-13
Packaged: 2018-03-07 10:54:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3171994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hangthestars/pseuds/hangthestars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After losing her vallaslin and defeating Corypheus, Ealadha Lavellan finds herself with enough free time to dwell on her new appearance. In an effort to make her feel better, Vivienne teaches her how to do her makeup, and there's some much-needed bonding while she does so. The new look certainly doesn't hurt her relationship with Cullen.</p><p> </p><p>Short, fluffy, and full of lady friendship with a little side dish of flirting. Some past Solas/Lavellan, but it's only a little bit sad. Just a little.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Recognize Yourself

**Author's Note:**

> Featuring a barefaced [Ealadha Lavellan](http://heartlighting.tumblr.com/image/107965706722). (Pronounced "Ah-lla" -- like halla, without the H. Irish, right?)

In the days until the final battle, it had been easy to avoid her own reflection. Ealadha Lavellan was _busy_ , there was no time to sit in front of a mirror and fuss.

Afterward, without the same rush to get out of bed and go be important, it was just... it was complicated.

Three weeks after Corypheus's demise, she found herself sat at her vanity, studying her own face. Without her vallaslin, she was unnervingly pale, her light red eyes weird instead of striking. Her white hair was getting shaggy, and she couldn't decide if she actually wanted to grow it out or not. With her vallaslin, her honor to the god June, she had looked ethereal and intimidating, even sometimes beautiful, the deep red lines of her tattoo defining her cheekbones, adding color to the flatness of her skin. She traced her finger over her deepest scars: a deep, curved line on her left cheek, a jagged line that ran from her lower lip to her chin. She had chosen June's vallaslin because of her scars, when she had believed they were a sign, outlining where the ink should go, thinking that it was June telling her to create herself as he had, to find a place in the world like he'd carved out his own.

For those weeks, she'd reminded herself that she'd made the right choice, that she still believed Solas when he told her the truth of what the vallaslin meant. But today, all she could think was: _I'm ugly._

It was about as terrible a mindset to have when meeting scads of nobles every day as you'd think.

 

 

\----

 

 

Skyhold's visitors became used to Ealadha being fair, even if she was blunt, but her friends knew the truth. They saw her frown and recognized it as genuine unhappiness.

Oddly, the first one to approach her was Vivienne. Ealadha was well-settled in the garden, making her way through a novel Dorian had _insisted_ she read, when Vivienne waltzed across the little stone path and tapped the page she had her eyes on to get her attention. Ealadha squinted in the sun when she looked up; of course Vivienne would find the one spot to stand where she was framed with light and almost impossible to look at.

"Can I help you, Madame de Fer?"

"No, but I can help _you_. Mark your page, darling, I need you for something." Vivienne stood stubbornly until Ealadha relented and slowly closed the book. Satisfied that she had the Inquisitor's attention, she sauntered back off, rightly expected that Ealadha would follow.

She followed all the way back to Vivienne's quarters, frowning when the door was closed behind her. "Vivienne, if this is your way of telling me you're interested, I have to say that I don't think we'd be very good for each other---"

"Don't be ridiculous, my dear." Vivienne gestured as she walked over to her vanity. She pulled out the chair, and motioned for the Inquisitor to sit. "You have been miserable since the day your vallaslin has disappeared. Now, I can't exactly give it back to you, and you must have had your reasons for allowing Solas to do whatever he did, but I know the look of the woman who no longer admires her own reflection. Come. I'm going to help you."

Ealadha scrunched her nose, reluctant. "How is this going to help?" She'd never worn makeup before. She'd never seen the need -- but then, her vallaslin had a similar enough effect that it had always seemed excessive to try and learn.

"Darling, you are a beautiful woman. I know that. You used to know that." Though Ealadha shifted in discomfort and glanced down at the floor, Vivienne continued, "There's no shame in needing a little help appreciating yourself. I can make you _stunning_ , my dear. Give me a chance."

After a few moments of thought, Ealadha relented, sinking into the vanity chair. After a glance at herself in the mirror, she looked away, only to have Vivienne gently turn her face back to her reflection, both hands softly resting on the elf's hair. Next to Vivienne, Ealadha was more aware than ever how washed out she looked, as if there had never been color in her face to start with. Madame de Fer was clearly more versed in beauty than anyone she knew, but... hm.

"Now, I know just what you need. We're going to darken your eyebrows a little; that will make a world of difference. Then we'll outline your eyes to really make them stand out. You don't want to hide their color."

"They don't work very well," the Inquisitor countered, keeping eye contact with Vivienne in the mirror.

"Who says? They're unique. They work exactly as they're meant to. Now, once your eyes are finished, we'll put some color in those cheeks and lips. Your vallaslin defined your cheekbones _beautifully_ ; we can do that wth makeup, too. You'll recognize yourself when I'm finished with you."

"Don't you mean, 'you'll _hardly_ recognize yourself?"

"I mean exactly what I've said, my dear," Vivienne asserted, letting go of Ealadha so she can reach for a little cloth and a small pot that was full of water. Wetting the cloth, she continued, "Makeup isn't about turning into a different person. It's about making others perceive you as you want them to. Now, close your eyes so I can wash your face."

Despite her reservations, Ealadha did as she was told, leaning against the back of the chair. For the first couple of minutes she just let Vivienne do what she wanted, sitting quietly while the older woman put all manner of creams and powders on her face.

"I never had any female friends before now," she finally said as Vivienne was running a stiff brush over her left eyebrow. "I barely had any _friends_. Definitely no one who cared enough to fuss over my face."

"I can hardly imagine you being popular among the Dalish, darling." The way Vivienne said it was so casual that Ealadha forgot to be offended. It was true, besides. "You're much better off here."

"Yeah." Ealadha smiled crookedly. "I was the, ah... _black sheep_. You know what I mean. I was mostly tolerated, I think. ---I mean, there was one girl, but that wasn't really a friendship, it was more like a... torrid, poorly-thought-out love affair. Is two a trend of a coincidence? Because I seem to be into that."

"Two is a lesson, Inquisitor. _Three_ is a trend." Vivienne brushed her finger over what Ealadha assumed was a stray bit of _something_ before moving the brush to the other side. "Was this girl of yours a mage as well? That may indicate something of a preference."

"No. She was a hunter. I'm a _terrible_ hunter. I can't shoot a bow for anything, and you've been out there with me, my footsteps are like a fat druffalo." She reached up to try and scratch an itch on her cheek and Vivienne smacked her hand away. Scrunching her nose in a poor attempt to get at the itch anyway, she continued, "Anyway, Sinead was one of the best. _Pretty_ , too. We were... maybe nineteen? Twenty? She was this loud, confident person, like Dorian but less annoying. Less vain. If anyone made a comment about us, she would jump to my defense, and her ears would get pink when she shouted." She sighed. "I really thought she loved me. But she left, eventually. Having kids is kind of a big deal in the clans -- our numbers are already so low -- and she decided she wanted something I couldn't give her. About a month after we broke up, she left for another clan because she fancied one of their hunters when we met up for trade."

"She may very well have loved you, darling. ---Open your eyes and look up." When Ealadha obeyed and stared at the ceiling, Vivienne began drawing on her lower lids with a pencil. "Love is worth less than we want to believe if it isn't also useful. That isn't your fault, or hers."

Ealadha frowned. "So I guess that makes me useless, because I couldn't have her children?"

"To her? Maybe. You don't need to bear children to do most things. All I mean is that you weren't compatible. ---Keep looking up and blink when I tell you to." Vivienne moved away again, and when she came back it was with a little bristle on a stick that caught as she blinked when instructed. "And if you'll forgive me for saying as much, you can aim _much_ higher than Solas, especially now that Corypheus' defeat is a fact. You can also look now, darling."

She looked down as she was about to protest Vivienne's assessment of Solas, but couldn't get the words out once she caught sight of herself. Ealadha leaned in for a better look, resisting the urge to touch her skin. For the most part, it didn't even seem as if she was _wearing_ anything, just that her skin looked like a normal person's, her cheeks defined with a subtle pink, her scars softened. Vivienne had filled in her eyebrows so they were black, had accented made the dark circles under her eyes disappear and shadowed her lids so her eyes had definition. Whatever Vivienne had done to her eyelashes had turned them black and, more importantly, _visible_.

"Vivienne..." Ealadha reached up anyway, nearly touching the scar on her nose before Vivienne gently redirected her hand. "I... _thank_ you." She had been right; for the first time in weeks, Ealadha felt like she was looking at _herself_ in the mirror. When she smiled, she was taken by surprise, and the expression immediately softened in response.

Vivienne rested her arm on the back of the chair and surveyed her work, smiling with a hint of pride. "You are _very_ welcome, darling. As I understand it, you have some important meetings coming up with certain monarchs. You should go into them feeling your absolute best."

 

 

\----

 

 

Agreeing that next time, Vivienne would explain each step so Ealadha could do her own makeup in the future, she left the mage's quarters with something of a bounce in her step. She could have gone back to her book, but feeling so good made the idea of sitting idle seem silly. There was work to do besides, so after allowing herself an extra few moments to preen, the Inquisitor called in her war council.

Josephine came in first, as she always did, and was immediate with the compliment (and a touch disappointed when Ealadha redirected her attempts to suggest some new clothes to go along with her new look). Leliana was next, in a good enough mood from something else entirely that she was distracted.

When Cullen brought up the rear, he had his nose buried in a report. He knew the steps to the war room so well he could make them in his sleep, bringing himself to his spot by the women with his eyes on his clipboard. "We've received another missive from King Alistair's men, Inquisitor. He should be arriving in less than a week---oh."

The hitch in Cullen's breath inspired a crooked smile out of the Inquisitor. For a few seconds, he was openly staring, and she realized how badly she'd really wanted to be looked at. Being with Solas had been unique, and maybe part of her had believed it was so special because only Solas would ever find her beautiful. In hindsight, it was more isolating than romantic.

Come to think of it, that look on Cullen's face actually felt familiar. Had she seen it before?

Eventually, after something of a friendly staring contest, Ealadha raised her eyebrows and had to interrupt with, " _Commander_."

Cullen blinked and briefly shook his head. "As I was saying..."

"King Alistair?"

He cleared his throat. "Yes."

"I've also received a message from the Hero of Ferelden," Leliana interjected, a knowing little smirk on her lips. "They intend to have their reunion at Skyhold."

Gesturing with her quill, Josephine added, "I've taken the liberty of having our largest guest suite prepared especially for Their Majesties. Between your rescuing of the Wardens at Adamant, and brokering a more recent treaty between Ferelden and Orlais, both monarchs are significantly indepted to you. I anticipate they'll want to spend more time with each other than with the rest of us. We're hardly a vacation destination, but for this, I feel we can make an exception."

The Inquisitor leaned on the table, glancing away from Cullen to watch Leliana. "Do you want some time off when they get here, Leliana? I know you're old friends with both of them."

Leliana just smiled. "I will manage. My work won't suffer for the visit, I promise."

Ealadha nodded. She caught Cullen's gaze one more time and reveled in the warmth it put into her belly. This was going to be a good day. "Perfect. So what's next?"

 

**Author's Note:**

> Posting this as a completed work for now, because it works as a oneshot, but hopefully ends up being part of a post-game most-people-lived happy ending sort of fic. We all need the fluff. Yes we do.


End file.
